Monday, August 18, 2014

The Eighth Step ~ How Should We Speak to One Another?

Questions

1.  "Plato described dialogue as a communal meditation ... [and believed] each participant should make a place for the other" (p. 132).  How does this view of dialogue fit with current social discourse?  How do we move toward this ideal?

2.  "Confucius always developed his insights in conversation with other people because in his view we needed this friendly interaction to achieve maturity" (pp. 132-133).  What do you think he means by this?

3.  What habits do you bring to personal and professional discussions or arguments?  Do you make a "place for the other" or simply try to advance your argument?

Actions

1.  Read through Armstrong's questions on pages 141-142 to help you analyze and be more mindful of the way you approach discussions and arguments.

2.  Observe how you speak to others.  Observe how those around you speak to each other and to you.  Notice when your own emotions and reactions arise in each situation and how they affect your interactions.

Twelve Steps to a Compassionate Life ~ by Karen Armstrong, 2010

4 comments:

Shirley said...

What habits do you bring to personal and professional discussions or arguments? Do you make a "place for the other" or simply try to advance your argument?
Unfortunately, I am so wimpy that I avoid serious dialogues and confrontations. I like though the approach of conversing kindly and I do try to do that.

I also liked Armstrong's insight that we should not look upon discussions/disagreements as competitive events with winners/losers, but rather as an opportunity for understanding the other person.

While reading more about the Montessori educational style, I was especially drawn to the introduction of the peace table to help children resolve differences. Perhaps if more of us would learn to handle disputes through conversation in this manner at an early age, there would be fewer wars and incidents like the Ferguson murder.
http://montessoricompass.com/general-articles/teaching-peace-and-compassion-peace-table-explanation

Bonnie Jacobs said...

Thanks, Shirley! I'll have to remember the Peace Table. Folks, this short article is at the link Shirley shared. I've left out the beautiful example the author gives:

"The Peace Table plays an important role in Montessori classrooms. Two children having a disagreement will normally decide to retreat to the Peace Table to solve their problem. Sometimes, children may not remember, and the suggestion might come from the teacher. When classmates observe an ongoing disagreement, somebody might bring them a peace rose with the reminder to solve their problem at the Peace Table. ... The core experience the students gain from these procedures is that it is necessary to solve disturbances honestly and with good will to maintain a harmonious and cooperative atmosphere in the community."

http://montessoricompass.com/general-articles/teaching-peace-and-compassion-peace-table-explanation

Bonnie Jacobs said...

Shirley said, "Perhaps if more of us would learn to handle disputes through conversation in this manner at an early age, there would be fewer wars and incidents like the Ferguson murder."

The only way I can imagine myself dealing with the problems facing the people of Ferguson would be to talk with individuals one on one, no matter which "side" that person takes and help them see what the other feels. Okay, I realize that mostly means (in my case) helping white folks understand -- for example -- how a black man feels to always be under suspicion because of his skin color. Here's an excellent article by a frustrated man whose freedom was taken away from him last Friday in Beverly Hills, California, simply because he "fit the description" of a suspect.

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2014/08/25/1324522/--When-you-fit-the-description

I'd be in knots worrying about my son, if he were a person of color. People like me (white) need to learn how privileged we are, rather than taking for granted that our children can walk down the street without being stopped by a policeman who assumes they are up to no good.

How would I feel ...

...if my son were forced to sit for hours on a curb at the side of the road, handcuffed?

...if my son were gunned down in Ferguson and left lying in the street for four hours, bleeding?

...if a store employee always followed me around while I shopped, thinking that otherwise I'd probably shoplift something?

Need I continue?

Shirley said...

During the Tyrone Martin case, President Obama gave several examples of situations he has faced on being a suspect just for being black such as people locking their car doors.

Several years ago, I was reminded that right here in Topeka that racism is far too prevalent on the police force. My son shared how a black teammate showed up late at a basketball practice and explained to the black coaches that he had been stopped and questioned by the cops as he was riding his bike to practice. The coaches took a break from practice and spent time talking to the primarily black team telling them that such stops were common and that if stopped they should act respectful and to note the badge number of the officer.

When my daughter was a student in Kansas City, she became interested in law enforcement as a possible career option after visiting with some police officers while working at the college library. She was becoming a little disillusioned after meeting others and wondering if some of them were as bad as the criminals. Her interest in law enforcement ended completely when she was leaving her apartment and saw several cops hitting a black man who was handcuffed and on the ground. I know that there are as many and hopefully more good cops than bad ones, but recent events have shown the need for law enforcement to condemn racism by its officers. If would be good if the Ferguson murder opens the dialogue that will result in needed changes in our nation's law enforcement tactics.